Merlin ToD!
by xKittyRiku
Summary: A Merlin Truth or Dare fanfiction, you decide the truths and dares! Rules inside, should be self-explanatory... and cut me some slack- I know it's not the best!
1. Introduction, More or Less

**Merlin ToD Script**

Merlin: Hello there, young children! Today, there is going to be a very special ToD fanfiction… (Merlin is pushed forcefully out of the way before losing his footing and falling into Gwen's lap.)

xKittyRiku: (Hissing at the young Warlock.) Merlin, I told you to stay out of this, I'm giving the rules here! (Stands in front of Merlin.) So, this is a ToD fanfiction, much like the title of the piece states. That means that if you want to ask Merlin and his friends a question, or dare them to do something, -anyone from series 1-3- simply review with your truths and dares!

Merlin: But that means… I might have to…

xKittyRiku: What? Do what? We can't read your mind, Merlin.

Merlin: Well… does that mean I might have to… do something I don't want to?

xKittyRiku: That _is _the point.

Merlin: But-

Arthur: (Walks into the scene, grimacing and holding a pair of rotten tomatoes.) Who left these vulgar fruits in my chambers?

xKittyRiku: (Sighing) Oh, I don't know. Maybe your girlfriend Guinevere has _finally _ had enough of you. (Stroking chin) Which means that I could finally get my chance…

Arthur: What?

xKittyRiku: No, no. It's nothing. (Bats eyelashes, incredibly Mary-Sue ishly.)

Morgana: (Speaking up from the corner of the room she is sitting in.) Arthur, what is she talking about? Your _girlfriend? _

Arthur: What? No, it's nothing…

Gwen: (Muttering under breath) Thanks, Arthur…

Morgana: (Smirking that smirk) I think we're forgetting something here.

Merlin: You were the one that changed the subject! (shrinks back down when he sees the scowls Morgana and Arthur are giving him)

Arthur: And what might that be?

Morgana: (Scowling) That… _woman _is planning on having us reveal our deepest darkest secrets, and do silly little _dares! _

Arthur: (Turning to xKittyRiku.) And you think you have the authority to do this? Don't forget who my father is…

xKittyRiku: How could I possibly forget who _your _father is, when he's the most foul man alive. Yet, slightly handsome and has a very charming side to him… (:3)

Arthur: (Backing away) Well… alright then. But don't forget. And I'm sure your funny little games won't do much harm-

xKittyRiku: If only you knew…

Arthur: (Scowls and ignores her) …to anyone, will they?

Merlin: You're giving into her? (receives deathstare from Arthur) …Sire?

Arthur: Oh, shut up Merlin.

Morgana: Yes, Merlin. Hold your tongue, I think some rules are to be mentioned.

Merlin: Rules? Why do we need rules?

Morgana: Obviously because anyone can give any number of truths and dares per review.

Uther: (Popping up from behind his throne.) Don't be absurd, Morgana!

xKittyRiku: She's right.

Uther: Still, how could she have known the answer? It must have been magic!

Morgana: (shifty) Oh, no! Nothing like that…

xKittyRiku: Moving on from this more than awkward scene, there is only one rule I can think of, and that is to please keep the reviews with a maximum of two truths and two dares, but don't feel like you only have to write one review!

Morgana: That doesn't make sense…

Merlin: Yes it does!

Morgana: How?

Merlin: I think basically, you can review once per chapter-

Uther: Those are the rules, Merlin.

Arthur: Father, let him continue.

Uther: I will not have my son speaking to me like that! Arthur, it's time for you to learn how to be a great king, and I don't think you're getting the hang of it…

Arthur: Father I know how to be a good king, I-

Uther: Don't talk back to me, Arthur.

xKittyRiku: (Backs away, and gestures for the rest of the cast to do the same.)

Uther: (Continuing) Come with me, I'll teach you why you shouldn't mess with rules and laws! (Reaches over and takes Arthurs' ear between his thumb and forefinger, and drags him off to the dungeons.)

xKittyRiku: Well it looks like the first real ToD chapter will be held in the dungeon. So feel free to review, and I promise to fulfill all your truths or dares! (In an undertone) As long as they aren't too graphic… this is going to be kept as a T fiction and I don't want to get sued!

Gwen: (Looking at the door Arthur has just gone through, longingly.) I don't think you're supposed to write in script format as it is, Riku…

xKittyRiku: Hmm, nice nickname there Gwen! And maybe one of the reviewers will let you finally tell everyone how you really feel about Arthur…

Morgana and Merlin: We already know. Everyone knows! (They glare at eachother)

xKittyRiku: So, I think that's all… you know the rules! And everyone who does review, gets a free interweb t-shirt! (Not really, but I'll let your OC have one!;D)


	2. Drinking Games and Sexualities

_I'm sorry it's a bit rushed, I wanted it up tonight! Kitty O, don't worry, I'll get you your chapter ASAP!_

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* * *

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xKittyRiku: And we're back! In these rather crowded dungeons, as we can see the onlookers gathering around to grab a glance at the wonderful Arthur; recently disciplined by his more than fabulous father! Anyway! (Turns to Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Uther, Gaius and Morgana.) Our first reviewer is Abigal Satoshi xx, who gives a big fat welcome to the world of ToDs to you guys. Although I can't really see why, you are all amazingly strange.

Arthur: (Looks up through his hair at xKittyRiku, before glaring down at the shackles he is sheathed in.) She actually said that?

xKittyRiku: No, to be honest, she said- AND I QUOTE- "I have something to say to you all; WELCOME, THE CAST OF MERLIN, TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF TODS!" and then she left a cute little smiley face at the end, you know, the one with those pointy eyes and-

Uther: I think you should move on. We don't want Arthur getting distracted from his punishment, now, do we?

xKittyRiku: No, I think you're forgetting who is in charge here. (Uther walks closer to xKittyRiku, and they stare each other out.)

Arthur: (Coughs) Uhm, father?

Uther: (Pulls at neck of collar.) What?

Gwen: Riku?

xKittyRiku: (Still glaring) Oh, right, yes. Next we have a truth. For… Morgana le Fay?

Morgana: Yes?

xKittyRiku: Abigal asks- alliteration aforethought- are you… finicky?

(Arthur suddenly guffaws)

Morgana: What's that supposed to mean, Arthur?

Arthur: (Clearing throat) Oh, it's nothing… I think you should answer the question. (Winks at xKittyRiku)

xKittyRiku: (Hiding blushes) Yeah, Morgana. Are. You. Finicky?

Morgana: No! I am not _finicky _in any shape or form!

Merlin: There's no use lying. The truth will come out one way or another…

Uther: You, servant boy, do not speak down on your uppers!

Merlin: That just sounds...

Arthur: Shut _up, _Merlin.

xKittyRiku: He's- never mind. Okay then, Morgana. Abigal says, if you aren't a finicky person, (turns to audience) even though we _all _know you are, you have to act like it for the rest of this ToD!

Morgana: (Purses lips) Are you being serious? I have to act finicky?

Merlin: (Under breath) It wouldn't be acting.

Morgana: I heard that, fool.

ServantMaid01: (Walks into the room, summoned by xKittyRiku's amazing author powers.) How would you like your rabbit, Morgana?

Morgana: Oh, as it is will be fine! (Smirks)

Arthur: (Coughs loudly)

Morgana: (Flustered) Oh okay! I'll have it prepared to a degree of rare medium, with it served to me at a temperature of 10 degrees Celsius. No more and… no less.

xKittyRiku: (Copies Morgana's smirk) Good girl, Morgana. Well done. Here's your rabbit. (ServantGirl01 brings Morgana the rabbit the way she wants it.)

Morgana: I can't believe I have to put up with this…

Uther: You don't. This "ToD" lark ends right now.

xKittyRiku: Actually, no it doesn't.

Gaius: If I recall correctly, Sire, everyone in this room has signed a contract compelling them complete all the truths and dares given.

Uther: Hmm, you're right Gaius, as per usual.

Morgana: (Glares at everyone.)

Merlin: Is that it, for this chapter?

xKittyRiku: Oh, hell no. We have so much more to go, starting with a dare, for the one and only Arthur Pendragon! (Turns to audience) Again, from the elusive Abigal Satoshi xx!

Arthur: (Runs hands through hair) Oh my God, Merlin…

Merlin: Yes?

Arthur: Hold them back…

Merlin: Who back?

Arthur: You wait and see.

Crowd: (Jeering)

xKittyRiku: Well, actually… (Points to Gwen and waggles finger.) Come here, Guinevere.

Gwen: Yes, Riku?

xKittyRiku: Read this out.

Gwen: Uhm, okay… (Looks at the card xKittyRiku just gave her.) I quote, apparently, "Anyway, I dare yous to do nothing...as xKittyRiku and the rest of your fangirls start to jump/glomp you! :D"

Crowd: (Screams loudly and jumps on top of Arthur, who cannot do anything due to being bound by shackles.)

xKittyRiku: Out of my way, out of my way…! (Glomps Arthur, whilst Gwen is onlooking but unable to do anything also.)

Morgana: How long does this last for? (Smirking)

Arthur: (Mumbling) Ugh, Riku! Get off me!

Gaius: Come come now, Riku. Get off the poor boy.

xKittyRiku: (Stands up hastily, brushing the dirt from the jail cell floor off of her.) Right, but the dare didn't confirm a stop time, so you fangirls can continue with your lustrous desires. (Points to Arthur, who is suddenly surrounded by the fangirling crowd.) So, that's all from Abigal Satoshi xx, but in the nick of time, we have a review from the one and only… (checks a new card in her hands.) xKittySora!

Arthur: (Groaning) What does she want?

xKittyRiku: Hey, none of that, please. And she wants you all to play a game.

Morgana: A game?

xKittyRiku: (Nodding) A drinking one.

Merlin: Really? A drinking one?

Arthur: Don't even think about it, Merlin. Servants cannot drink whilst on duty.

Merlin: Well… what about the contract?

Gaius: He's right, Sire.

Arthur: Fine; but can you get these _idiots _off me!

Merlin: (Starts pulling away the fangirls)

xKittyRiku: Okay, girls. Lay off…

(Fangirls move away, crying because they probably will never get the chance to touch Arthur again.)

xKittyRiku: Where was I?

Gwen: (Ever so helpful) Drinking games.

xKittyRiku: Ah, that's right. So the game is called, "Never have I ever."

Cast: What?

xKittyRiku: Never have I ever. Drinking. Game. Right, here's how we go it. Everyone, sit in a circle. (Watches as the group get into a circle, and the fangirls leave the jail cell.) Right, good. Palms out! This shows the number of points you have.

Merlin: Eight, then?

Morgana: Eight? Why eight?

Merlin: I have small thumbs, they don't count.

Arthur, Gaius, Morgana: (Rolls eyes.)

xKittyRiku: So, who will begin the game… Right, you can, Merlin. (Points to the Warlock.)

Merlin: Me?

xKittyRiku: Read this, and them comply with the rules. (Addressing the audience.) For those of you who don't know this game, you can visit .com/how_4450702_ . This way, we can get on with the game with only a short explanation of the rules and-

Merlin: I… Okay. Never have I ever… gone a day without thinking about Morgana's smile.

xKittyRiku: That's not a smile, it's a smirk. But we'll let it slide.

Morgana: Seriously? Awh, Merlin, that's so… unexpected.

xKittyRiku: Right, so those of you who have skipped a day thinking about Morgana's smile, put one finger down each.

(ServantGirl01 brings through numerous glasses, and gives one to each player in the game. Uther, Morgana, Gwen, Arthur, and Gaius put a finger down.)

Morgana: Thanks, I think.

xKittyRiku: There's nothing to be thankful for! And anyway, Uther, Morgana, Gwen, Arthur, and Gaius, each drink a mouthful of mead from the glass in front of you.

Uther: Mead won't get you drunk…

Gaius: That would be why Riku had me enhance it…

Uther: What! Gaius, are you betraying your king?

Gaius: No, it was in the contract.

Arthur: Well I suppose that makes it alright then.

Merlin: Actually, it does.

Arthur, Uther: (Scowling)

xKittyRiku: For the sake of your brains, I'm going to put this in time lapse. (A few hours later)

Morgana: I win?

xKittyRiku: Everyone else is practically dead, of course you win. You know, Morgana, you haven't done a lot of things…

Morgana: I've done enough.

xKittyRiku: (Leans in closer) I know your secret.

Morgana: What… secret? (Looks discomposed, but regains herself.)

xKittyRiku: Truth or dare?

Morgana: Truth.

xKittyRiku: xKittySora asks, do you actually know how to use magic?

Morgana: I can't lie?

xKittyRiku: It's _truth _or dare.

Morgana: (Looks around, and then hastily sighs) I… I…

xKittyRiku: Sora did say, "ANSWER TRUTHFULLY OR DIE BY MY HAND! Actually... maybe I shouldn't fight you... ah, I'll get help."

Morgana: Fine. I do know how to use magic. I am a sorceress, and one day, Merlin will perish.

xKittyRiku: Right… okay then. (Turns to xKittySora, who has materialized in the corner.) Does that answer your questions?

xKittySora: Not quite… everyone, snap out of your drunken slur!

Merlin: (Lying on the floor, clutching his head) Durnkenwa?

Arthur: (Lying on the floor, clutching his stomach) Oh, shut _up _Merlin.

xKittyRiku: So, xKittySora is going to retreat to the corner, (looks around and sees everyone sprawled out, clutching some part of his/her body,) but will everyone please rejoin the circle?

(Everyone slowly moves towards the circle)

xKittyRiku: Right, what are all your sexualities?

Merlin: Straight. (Gazes at Morgana, watching her hair flutter in the small breeze through the barred jail-cell window.)

Morgana: Straight, but if I had to get away from him I'd turn lesbian…

Gwen: Yes, but what about that Morgause girl you were close to? And straight, by the way.

Morgana: She was… nothing.

Arthur: Straight, (takes Gwen's hand) and I wouldn't change that for all the money in the world…

Gwen: (Blushing) Oh, Arthur!

Uther: Arthur!

Arthur: (Stands up in pain, still clutching Gwen's hand) Father, you can't control me anymore!

Uther: (Raises eyebrows)

Arthur: (Drops Gwen's hand and sits back down.)

Uther: That's what I thought.

xKittyRiku: Is that everyone? (Scans circle) Ah, Gaius.

Gaius: Oh really, surely this is enough of that silly game now, I don't see the point any more than the next person-

xKittyRiku: Well?

Gaius: Bisexual.

xKittyRiku: I knew that woman Alice wasn't the One for you!

Gaius: I said bisexual, not gay. I loved her with all my heart, and I still do, no matter what she's become.

xKittyRiku: *Okay!

Merlin: Oh ho ho! Gaius! You never told me that! ( He nudges Gaius)

Morgana: So now we know.

Arthur, Gwen, Uther: Now we know.

xKittyRiku: One last thing!

Cast: What?

xKittyRiku: From VampireLover1000x, where do you get your dresses, Morgana?

Morgana: Oh, there's a lovely little boutique around the corner, run by my dear friend Meredith-

Arthur: That's it?

xKittyRiku: I'll let you guys rest for the night, but I'll be back tomorrow with more from Kitty O!

Merlin: K-K-Kitty O? MY Kitty O?

xKittyRiku: …Maybe, maybe not.

Arthur: Why are there all these Kitties? Why? Cats are vulgar creatures…

xKittyRiku: You might think so, but I don't. And Kitty O didn't even _get _her name from a cat, she thinks exactly the same as you do.


	3. Kitty O!

xKittyRiku: So many truths and dares coming in! But this one chapter here is dedicated to the one, the only, Kitty O!

Merlin: (:3) My Kitty O! Is she here, right now?

xKittyRiku: Maybe she is. I'm waiting for her to return my email, but the service down here in Camelot is awful.

Uther: I'll be having none of those jabs at our Kingdom, Riku.

xKittyRiku: xKittyRiku to _you. _And it's true!

Uther: I'll have you know that our servants are the best in the land, certainly nowhere near "awful."

xKittyRiku: Oh don't be silly, Uther. I meant the email and web services. I have surprisingly low bars here.

Merlin: Bars? Email? Web services?

xKittyRiku: Never mind what they are, I'm just saying that it might take a while for Kitty O to reply!

Merlin: Really? She doesn't seem the type to take ages to reply… she always has her scrolls delivered weekly, on the dot!

Arthur: What scrolls, Merlin?

Merlin: The… oh, you wouldn't want to know.

Arthur: Not… _those _scrolls?

xKittyRiku: Yup, _those _scrolls.

Arthur: (Backing away into the corner.) Oh.

xKittyRiku: So, first things first- even though I'm per-rity sure I've used that expression before- Merlin, come here.

Merlin: (Looking around) You mean me?

Morgana: No-one else in this room is called _Merlin, _are they?

Merlin: …They might be.

Arthur: (Raises eyebrows) Really now, Merlin?

Merlin: Maybe.

Morgana: Just go, Merlin.

Merlin: (Side steps up to xKittyRiku) What is it? A dare? Truth? (With half-hearted sarcasm) Oh, let it be a dare! Let you embarrass me further!

xKittyRiku: Oh, we haven't even started yet.

Merlin: (o.O)

xKittyRiku: Right, so- (whispering so no-one overhears) You have to kiss Gwen.

Merlin: (Wiggling eyebrows) Why?

xKittyRiku: Because Kitty O says so. Hey, that rhymed!

Merlin: Kitty… O?

xKittyRiku: We've been through this.

Merlin: Ah. Well… when do I have to do this?

xKittyRiku: Now. Off you tot.

Merlin: Now?

xKittyRiku: Okay, you can try and sneak it in. But you have to make Arthur jealous.

Merlin: Oh… (Eyes open very wide) _Oh. _OH!

xKittyRiku: (Shuffles awkwardly.) Yeah, now stop making those… sounds.

Merlin: Okay! But that means- (As if it was possible, eyes open wider.)

xKittyRiku: What now, Merlin?

Merlin: T-Tongues…

xKittyRiku: Er, whatever pleases you. I don't need to know any of this.

Merlin: Right!

xKittyRiku: (Pushes him back towards the Cast of Merlin.)

Gaius: Is everything alright, Merlin? You look awfully pale!

Merlin: Yes, Gaius. I'm fine.

Uther: (Raises eyebrows.)

xKittyRiku: (To readers) There seems to be quite a lot of eyebrow raising going on doesn't there? Do you think Gwen will raise her eyebrows? Read on to find out!

Arthur: Er, Riku?

xKittyRiku: Hmm?

Arthur: Who _are _you talking to?

xKittyRiku: Oh, no-one…

Gwen: If you can pardon my asking, why did you mention my eyebrows?

xKittyRiku: Oh come on, drop it. You'll find out soon enough, anyway. So, while we're waiting, (shoots daggers at Merlin) Morgana. Read this. (Hands Morgana a slip of paper that reads, _Kitty O dares you to 'try' and tell someone that Merlin killed you._)

Morgana: I can't do this!

xKittyRiku: Why not?

Morgana: Because he didn't!

Arthur: Didn't _what_, Morgana?

xKittyRiku: (Sing-song voice) Here's your chance to tell him~!

Morgana: Fine! Arthur, this is _certainly _not the truth, but-

Arthur: Morgana, I can tell when you're lying.

Morgana: I'm not lying! Merlin-

Merlin: Yes, Morgana?

Morgana: Don't you _dare _get snarky, Merlin.

Merlin: I think she's trying to tell you that I-

xKittyRiku: Arthur?

Arthur: Shut _up, _Merlin.

Morgana: Yes. You see, at the end of Season Three, Merlin… he…

(Silence echoes around the cell)

Morgana: Oh don't worry about it, it's a lot of idiocy, that's what it is. I did the dare, alright? I _tried _and it doesn't matter that I… I-

Gwen: MMMPH! (Raising eyebrows.)

(Everything that follows is in slow motion.)

Merlin: (Launches himself at Gwen and plants a heavy kiss on her lips.)

Arthur: (Shocked, tries to break them up and fails.)

Gwen: (Secretly enjoying a change from Arthur, even though she is smitten with the prince.)

Arthur: Merlin!

(Back to full speed)

Merlin: (Breaks away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and rubs the moisture from his hand onto the bottom of his shirt.) Yes, Sire?

Arthur: H-H-How dare you! Guinevere is _mine! _I.. love her.

Uther: (Gasps loudly) How could you say you love _that girl, _Arthur? That serving girl. She has absolutely no worth in our community.

Gwen: (Still shocked.) Thanks I think.

Arthur: Merlin will be punished father, and I don't talk about her like that! We'll get married. We'll show you how happy we can be. I'm sick and fed up of you always talking down at Gwen, like she's lower than you, lower than me!

Morgana: She is lower than us, we, are royalty.

xKittyRiku: I'm not quite sure _you _are royalty, Morgana. (Turns to audience) But if I am wrong, please leave a message. I'm not that sure of Morgana's back-story.

Arthur: Merlin, you will be punished, you will be in the stocks for many days, no, _weeks. _You will be excused from your position as my servant, and you will be relieved of your dwellings. You will be banished from the castle, and pushed to the outskirts of Camelot Merlin!

Merlin: But, Arthur-

Arthur: There will be absolutely _no _excuses. I never thought _you _of all people would betray me. Leave me, alone now.

Merlin: (Begins to leave the room, looking down sadly.)

xKittyRiku: (Whispers something to Arthur, who whispers back and the pair of them converse using hushed angry whispers, their voices gradually raising.)

Arthur: Oh for goodness' sakes. Merlin, maybe I acted a bit harshly. You can stay in the castle, but you will be subjected to two weeks in the stocks, nevertheless.

Merlin: Oh, Sire! (Goofy grin)

Arthur: And when you come back, you will get to keep your job.

Merlin: (Looking smugly at Morgana) Thank you, Sire!

Arthur: But I'm warning you, I don't want to hear that you've ever done anything like this again.

xKittyRiku: Thank you, Arthur. (Massive grin)

Arthur: Uh… (Goes and puts his arms around Gwen, and the pair begin whispering in the corner.

Gaius: (Smacking lips) Mhm, a nice little bit of young love…

Uther: (Watching with eagle eyes.)

xKittyRiku: I have to hurry the story along, as Abigal Satoshi xx -from the earlier chapter- is bugging me about it. So Morgana, you SOOO find Merlin attractive, right? Kitty O asks.

Morgana: (Raising eyebrows so high they nearly break away from her head.) Find _that _attractive? Have you seen how much his ears stick out? His breath smells of rat droppings and pig remains, and his eyes are the same shade as mud.

Gwen: Actually, Morgana, they're a really beautiful blue colour.

Arthur: Really, Gwen-

Gwen: I mean… Yeah, horrible eye colour.

Merlin: Oh, thank you _Gwen. _

xKittyRiku: So you don't find him attractive?

Morgana: I'd rather play indecent games with the common peasants.

xKittyRiku: Okay dohkay! Moving on. Merlin, Kitty O asks your feelings on that hat Arthur made you wear.

Arthur: I didn't _make _him wear it, I-

xKittyRiku: Shut up.

Uther: Riku! (Growling.)

xKittyRiku: Heh, sorry Sire. Wait, what am I saying? I'm in charge here. Merlin?

Merlin: Well. It was… (glancing at Arthur, who is glaring at Merlin.) interesting. Certainly interesting. (Reluctant to say more.)

xKittyRiku: Is that it? Is that all you are going to say?

Merlin: (Whispering) I'll tell you later.

xKittyRiku: (Winks.) Well, that's all for this chapter, but be warned! Lots more will be happening to these hooligans, don't worry about that! And that's for putting up with my slopping writing, I had a desperation to get this chapter up ASAP. I've got three stories on the go at once, so I'm really sorry! It'll be better next time! (Crawls on her knees, begging the readers not to stop reading.)

Arthur: What _are _you doing, Riku?

xKittyRiku: Oh, nothing… The next chapter will be held outside, in the courtyard. Merlin will be in the stocks, remember!


	4. The Stocks

xKittyRiku: And welcome back to the _fourth _chapter of my Merlin ToD!

Merlin: _Your _Merlin ToD? I think you'll find _my _name is the clue to the title.

xKittyRiku: That didn't make any sense. (Clicks fingers, Merlin is instantly pelted with rotten fruits.) _Don't mess with me. _

Merlin: (Spitting out tomato seeds, he nods)

xKittyRiku: Starting off-

Arthur: That was fast, you usually babble on a bit before we go into the truths…

xKittyRiku: Shush, Arthur. Merlin. orangeLexi asks, "why haven't you told anyone that you're magic, especially Morgana?"

Uther: WHAT? Merlin, is this true? Have I been hosting a sorcerer in my castle, _my _dwellings, for all this time?

Arthur, Gwen, Gaius: (Break out into a nervous babble.)

Morgana: (Smirking.) I knew it!

Uther: (Turns to Morgana) Knew what, Morgana?

Morgana: (Straightens face.) Nothing, never mind.

Merlin: (Frowning, and turning to camera) And you wonder why I haven't told anyone? (Does a spell to make everyone in the timeframe except xKittyRiku freeze so that he can tell everyone.) I've never told anyone because this happens. Nervous babbles, and this racket! I'll get executed by Uther now, and it's all your fault-!

xKittyRiku: Hey! Merlin, calm it. This is unlike you- the only time I've seen you this mad is when Gaius said, "Merlin! Why are you sitting around doing nothing?" If Kitty O's still reading, she won't be too happy…

Merlin: I'm so sorry Kitty O!

xKittyRiku: Put the time frame back to normal, please?

Merlin: (Does what xKittyRiku asked, grinning sheepishly.)

Uther: Tell me, Morgana!

Morgana: Tell you… I forgot…

Uther: What? What could you have possibly for-

(Merlin is suddenly pelted with rotten fruits.)

Merlin: What was that for! (Whispers) And I couldn't tell Morgana because she'd forever hold it against me, blackmailing me. Using me for her own good-

xKittyRiku: Oo-er.

Merlin: I wouldn't have been able to take the pressure. Sorry, orangeLexi!

xKittyRiku: So there you go, orangeLexi. Moving swiftly on, or as swiftly as possible in this case, (looks down at clipboard,) what do you guys think about in your spare time? This was asked by "Dawn that Shines."

Gwen: That's a nice name! (:3)

xKittyRiku: For this game, I want you to step inside these separate cubicles.

Uther: What cubicles?

xKittyRiku: (Snaps fingers, and cubicles for every person except Merlin appear in a line.) These cubicles. Hurry up and get in them.

Gaius: Alright, if I must… (He moves into a cubicle, everyone follows to their separate cubicles.)

xKittyRiku: Can everyone please put on the ear mufflers that are provided? (Everyone does so.) Right, (To camera) I'm going to ask everyone in turn what they do, because I don't want another bust up. Oh, and I want to see if Gwen and Arthur's answers compare at all! So, It's Gaius first. Gaius, please take off your ear mufflers…

Gaius: (Whistles in his cubicle.)

xKittyRiku: GAIUS!

Gaius: (Still whistling.)

xKittyRiku: Wow, these ear mufflers really work… Can you pass me a sheet of paper please, CameraMan01? Thanks… (Writes message on paper, and presses it up to the cubicle.)

Gaius: (Takes of ear mufflers.) Hmm? Sorry, I couldn't hear you.

xKittyRiku: Really?

Gaius: Hmm? Yes, of course…

xKittyRiku: What do you think about in your spare time, Gaius?

Gaius: Merlin.

xKittyRiku: (Double takes) What?

Gaius: I think about Merlin. (Catches the gist of what xKR is saying.) Oh no, no no! Not in a sexual way, or anything. Just because he will obviously be the one we all need to move our world forward, someday in the future. Not in a sexual way. Heh. I didn't even know I could whistle, heh…

xKittyRiku: Alright, Gaius. Please put your ear mufflers back on. Thanks for your… time…

Gaius: It's my pleasure… (Bows, and hits head on glass.)

xKittyRiku: Next, we have Uther! Oh, what joys… (Moves towards Uther's cubicle, and presses sign up again the cubicle glass.)

Uther: Oh, it's you…

xKittyRiku: (Frowns) You knew it was me, it's a giant glass box…

Uther: So?

xKittyRiku: What do you think about in your spare time?

Uther: (Looking down) Nothing…

xKittyRiku: Nothing?

Uther: Well… Is this being filmed?

xKittyRiku: …No.

Uther: Fine. I think about my wife. How she was cruelly taken from me. I miss her, so much. If I could turn back the clocks, I would. And I'd be foolish if I didn't take that chance.

xKittyRiku: But surely, to take a chance like that you'd need magic. Would you be willing to use magic to get your wife back? (Touches his shoulder in a friendly way.)

Uther: Truthfully, I would do _anything _to get her back. Anything.

xKittyRiku: Uther. Thank you. You can put your headphones back on now.

Uther: (Nodding, with tears in his eyes.)

xKittyRiku: Well, what does that tell you? Merlin's next.

Merlin: Did Uther really say that? What a hypocrite! (Grinning.)

xKittyRiku: Never speak of it.

Merlin: Right.

xKittyRiku: Did you hear what Gaius says?

Merlin: No, what?

xKittyRiku: Heh, never you mind…

Merlin: Right. Well, I tend to think about Arthur.

xKittyRiku: Well, this sounds familiar…

Merlin: Hmm?

xKittyRiku: Merlin, do you like Arthur?

Merlin: Yeah, yeah I do.

xKittyRiku: In what way, Merlin…

Merlin: Friendly way…?

xKittyRiku: Alright. Anything else you think about?

Merlin: Yeah, roasted chicken!

xKittyRiku: Nom, nice to know.

Merlin: Okay, I'm done.

xKittyRiku: Thanks for the information, Merlin…

Merlin: No problem?

xKittyRiku: (Raises eyebrows at the camera.) Well, Morgana next!

Morgana: (Takes off ear mufflers when she sees the sign.) I'm not telling you anything about what I think in my spare time, It's my business not yours.

xKittyRiku: No-one can hear you, you know?

Morgana: Oh, well, in that case… no. I'm still not telling you. Unless you turn the camera off.

xKittyRiku: The camera is off!

Morgana: No, it's not. (Charges up to the camera, and presses the off button. Screen goes blank. Camera men try to put it back on, but Morgana is using her magic to keep it off. After about five minutes, camera flickers back on.) And _that _is what I think about in my spare time.

xKittyRiku: …Thanks, Morgana.

Morgana: (Smirking) No problem.

xKittyRiku: Gwen now. Hopefully her and Arthur's answers will match! Or not so hopefully, if you are an Arthur fan girl. This won't affect you if you are a _Merlin _fan girl, _eh Morgana? _

Morgana: What?

xKittyRiku: Put your mufflers back on!

Morgana: (Sighing, puts them on.)

xKittyRiku: Gwen, I see you already have your mufflers taken off. Tell me, what do you think about in your spare time?

Gwen: Arthur, it's always Arthur.

xKittyRiku: What, you aren't holding back?

Gwen: Holding back what?

xKittyRiku: Never mind. Describe how you think of Arthur.

Gwen: Well, it depends. Sometimes, we're lying down together-

xKittyRiku: Okay! Moving quickly on-

Gwen: A _beach, _holding hands. Or down by the lake. Maybe he'll reach over and kiss me with his lips, I don't know…

xKittyRiku: N'awhhh! Bless you, Gwen. Please put your mufflers back on!

Gwen: (Complies.)

xKittyRiku: Arthurrrrrrrrr!

Arthur: (Removes ear mufflers.) Did you have to scream my name so loudly? Even though I'm used to it, what, with all these fan girls… (Turns to camera and winks.)

xKittyRiku: Full of yourself.

Arthur: Not really.

xKittyRiku: What do you mean?

Arthur: There is one person I'm constantly thinking of.

xKittyRiku: What's she like?

Arthur: (Gives xKR a funny look.) This person is so wonderful, beautiful inside and out.

xKittyRiku: N'awhhh! What type of things is she into?

Arthur: (Gives xKR another funny look.) It's _magic. _The way he looks at me, makes me feel…

xKittyRiku: HE?

Arthur: Yes, he.

xKittyRiku: You don't mean… Merlin?

Arthur: Merlin? Oh heck no, you idiot! I meant my father!

xKittyRiku: You fancy your father?

Arthur: You really are slow today, aren't you, Riku?

xKittyRiku: What?

Arthur: He's such an admirable man, isn't he?

xKittyRiku: …Oh. Well, that wraps that one up! (Cubicles disappear, everyone stumbles out.)

Merlin: Wow, thanks Arthur…

Arthur: You heard?

Merlin: Of course, naturally.

Arthur: Oh shut UP, Merlin!


	5. The Stocks, Again!

xKittyRiku: And welcome back to the _fifth _chapter of my Merlin ToD!

Merlin: _That's _exactly how you started the last one.

xKittyRiku: Does it matter?

Merlin: I guess not…

xKittyRiku: You guessed right, shut up. Right, because we're moving out of the stocks next chapter, I'm messing up the order. Next, Merlin, you're going to be let out of the stocks.

Merlin: What? Yay!

xKittyRiku: I think I'll choose Uther…

Merlin: What?

xKittyRiku: Stop repeating yourself. Can someone take Merlin out of the stocks please? Thanks.

Merlin: (Rubs his wrists.) About time too!

Arthur: What are you choosing my father to do?

Uther: (Raises eyebrows, and is blind-folded from behind. Struggles a bit.)

xKittyRiku: Hehe! Put him in the stocks, please!

Uther: (Yelling) As your king, I command you not to touch me!

xKittyRiku: Well, sorr-eeee! But Ichigo'sDragon asked me to put either you or Arthur in the stocks, swapping with Merlin.

Uther: Why did you choose me?

xKittyRiku: Because Arthur's kinda pretty.

Arthur: Pretty?

xKittyRiku: Mm.

Uther: And DRAGON? Who's Ichigo? Who's Ichigo's Dragon?

xKittyRiku: (Facepalms.) Anyway, Uther? (Motions to the stocks. Two big guards pick him up, carry him over to the stocks and lock him in them.) Fire at will! (A group of small children come over to Uther, carrying baskets of furring fruits. Quickly, they begin to pelt Uther.)

Uther: (With heavy sarcasm that gets even more fruits thrown at him.) Thank _you_.

xKittyRiku: Anyway, the first truth for the day, from Random Reader, Merlin, who's your lover, and what's happened to her?

Merlin: Uhm…

xKittyRiku: What?

Merlin: I can't say. I really, really can't say. Oh, come on, don't look at me like that, Arthur!

Arthur: Oh, come on Merlin. Who is it?

Merlin: I…

Arthur: Well what's happened to her?

Merlin: She-

Arthur: Hmm?

Merlin: I don't know. I don't know what's happened to her, or where she is. (Breaks down, eyes tear up.)

Gwen: Do we have to press him further? Look at how bad he's become… The poor man! (Looks first at xKittyRiku, then at Arthur with pleading eyes. She gets down on her knees and puts her arm around Merlin's shoulder.)

Merlin: (Smiles through his tears.)

Arthur: Riku?

xKittyRiku: Fine! But you have to answer it later, Merlin!

Merlin: (Nods.)

xKittyRiku: So, Arthur, I see you really care about Merlin? (Looks at Random Reader, and winks.)

Arthur: No, not at all.

xKittyRiku: 'Double-R' can tell when you're lying, you know…

Arthur: Alright! Fine! I'll tell you! No glass boxes?

xKittyRiku: Absolutely not.

Arthur: I… (Looks down at the ground, twiddling thumbs.) I kind of like him a lot. Not any more than a really good friend, a good pal. I admire his bravery, and I despise his stupidity, but I'd never want to lose him, ever.

xKittyRiku: And _that _rounds up today's chapter, folks-

Merlin: (Looking up from the floor, slowly standing.) You really think that, of me, Arthur?

Arthur: Well… yes, I guess I do, ever since you called me an-

Merlin: An ass, I remember… (Moves closer to Arthur.)

Arthur: And then-

Merlin: A royal one. (Tilts Arthur's chin back.)

Arthur: (Recoils in shock.) What! Merlin, what are you doing!

Merlin: Me? Nothing! What are you doing?

Arthur: Me? NOTHING! I thought you just… (Arthur and Merlin look around them to see the cast sitting in a circle around them, with everyone having tears in their eyes, apart from Morgana, who is practically crying.)

Morgana: It's… so…

Gwen: Cute?

Gaius: Weird?

Uther: Disgusting?

Merlin: Gay?

Arthur: Embarrassing?

The Great Dragon: (So only Merlin can hear.) Destined?

Merlin: (Spins around.) What?

The Great Dragon: This is your destiny.

Merlin: What?

xKittyRiku: Merlin, who are you talking to?

Arthur: I bet he's not talking to anyone, except his gay little friends…

Merlin: My friends aren't gay!

Arthur: Yeah? Prove it.

Merlin: You're my friend!

Arthur: (Mumbling under his breath.) That's not proving anything…

Merlin: What?

Morgana: Merlin, stop saying, "what?", it's annoying.

Gaius: I have to agree with the Kings' ward, Merlin.

Morgana: I have a name, Gaius.

Gaius: Oh, really? Is it annoying?

Merlin: Self-centered?

Arthur: Oh dear Lord, not this again…

Uther: About a page ago you said that was the end of the chapter, Riku.

xKittyRiku: So I did! But I think there's time for one more dare, don't you, Morgana? (Eyes sparkling.)

Morgana: What? What dare?

xKittyRiku: Random Reader says that _you _have to write a love letter to Merlin, no less than two-hundred words! (Turns to camera.) And that really was a great dare by the way, review again sometime?

Merlin: I think Kitty O had some pretty awesome dares…

xKittyRiku: You would. So, Morgana, here's a pen and a blank scroll!

Morgana: What's a pen? (Blinks a few times.)

xKittyRiku: I mean a quill. Here, take it…

Morgana: (Takes it.)

xKittyRiku: Go up to that room in the turret, and write it, then deliver it to Merlin's chambers. The rest of you can go for the night.

_~The cast of Merlin disbanded, and Merlin went out to do some chores for Gaius. When he got back to his room, he found a scroll on his bed, his name written on it in Morgana's swirly hand.~_

Merlin: (Opens letter, and clears his throat.) Dearest Merlin, I can't believe I have to write this. I mean, I don't even like you enough to write 200 words. Wait, let me re-write that, I don't even like you enough to write two hundred words. See how I made those words longer? By not hyphening it? Anyway, I guess a love letter contains things, loveable, right? So, about your person, I love your smile. I think, that's a good way to start. You have an absolutely beautiful smile, it's all crooked and toothy. And have you ever noticed, your eyes go all crinkly when you smile?

Gaius: I can't say I have, Merlin.

Merlin: (Double takes.) What are you doing here!

Gaius: Listening to your reading of Morgana's letter, please continue, I find it amusing to say the least.

Merlin: Don't listen, Gaius. It's private.

Gaius: Because it's your first ever love letter?

Merlin: Yes, of course!

Gaius: Oh, so that's why you're reading it on camera… (Eyes twinkle.)

Merlin: Just be quiet and let me read-

Gaius: Merlin! So impertinent.

Merlin: Look, I'm sorry, but I just want to read this.

Gaius: You may continue at your pleasure.

Merlin: (Glares. Begins to read out the rest of Morgana's letter.) And then, there's your nose. What's going on with it? It's kind of a bit curvy, but squashed too. (Merlin raised a hand to his nose, feeling for the "squashy-ness.") It's very cute, if I were to think of it that way. Although I can't see you and I together in the future, I'd love to think of you as a, let's say, girlfriend of a friend. A close friend, who'll tell me the details of every waking moment the two of you spend together… So that although I won't be seen with you, it'll be like I'm with you… Oh Merlin, I'm not the best at writing letters, as you can tell. But I hope this satisfies you, and I'm glad I didn't have to write one for that pervert you live with. Love you! Morgana xxx (Although Merlin didn't actually say 'xxx', he said, 'kiss kiss kiss'.)

Gaius: I'm not a pervert! (Stumbles off.)

Merlin: (Mumbling.) I beg to differ…

Gaius: (Yelling.) I heard that!

~At the Stocks~

Uther: Uhm, is anyone still here? Can someone let me out...?


	6. A Kiss! With The Wrong Person

xKittyRiku: Choices, choices, choices.

Merlin: (In a voice-over style.) While I'm out of the stocks, and Uther is nowhere to be found, the rest of us will be continuing our game.

xKittyRiku: Arthur?

Arthur: Shut _up, _Merlin!

Gaius: Why couldn't you have said that, Riku?

xKittyRiku: Because he's got copyright on it, of course.

CoM: What's copyright?

xKittyRiku: Never mind. So, today we're here, sitting in Merlin's cramped bedroom. If we can call it bedroom. Didn't it used to be your stock room, Gaius?

Gaius: Indeed it did.

xKittyRiku: And there you have it.

Merlin: Have what?

xKittyRiku: Stop being difficult.

Merlin: Whaaa? That's not fair, I'm not being difficult, I-

xKittyRiku: First up, we have a dare from Abigal Satoshi. Again! Thanks Abi. (Merlin is sulking in the corner.) But, we'll need Uther back. (Snaps fingers, and Uther is dragged in by two guards covered in rotting fruit flesh and skins.)

Uther: Thanks for leaving me in there for the past two nights.

xKittyRiku: No problem!

Uther: (Blinks a few times, before collapsing on Merlin's bed.) Why have you called me back _here, _instead of my room?

xKittyRiku: Please, shut up, so we can get the next gruesome dare over with.

Uther: Gruesome?

xKittyRiku: Grueling. It's horrible. Uther, kiss Arthur.

Uther: WHAT?

xKittyRiku: I need you, to kiss, Arthur. Your son. Full kisses, too.

Arthur: Uhm, Riku, I don't think that'll be probable, it's called-

Uther: Incest. And please, is there a forfeit?

xKittyRiku: (Innocently.) Instead of kissing Arthur?

Uther: Yes.

xKittyRiku: Who _wouldn't _want to kiss him? No, you have too.

Uther: Urgh, you're lucky I didn't banish you from our magnificent citadel in the first chapter. And _now _you want to break our trust? Riku, darling-

xKittyRiku: … (Blinks a few times.) Are you…?

Uther: NO!

xKittyRiku: That's a shame, because it would have made this kiss easier, wouldn't it? (:3)

Uther: Arthur, come here…

Morgana: Teehee. (Clamps hands over mouth.)

Uther: Surely not you, too, Morgana?

Morgana: No, don't mind me. Continue. (Laughs again.)

Arthur: Come on father, we don't have all day.

Uther: Arthur Pendragon! Who do you think you're speaking to? As you father, I- (Gwen discreetly pushes the King onto Arthur, scowling.)

Merlin: (Laughing as the two squirm on the floor.) Gwen, a scowl isn't so pretty on you…

Gwen: Yes, but Merlin, I'm the one who's going to have to kiss him next, and taste the remains of his father's lunch… (Dry heaves.)

xKittyRiku: Oh ho ho! I wouldn't be so sure, Guinevere! And Uther, just kiss him already.

Uther: Fine… (Closes one eye, and moves forward to kiss his son's mouth.)

_In a couple of seconds, the kiss is over. Arthur's eyes are wide open in shock, and as his father stand, Arthur moves himself to a sitting position, mumbling to himself. Uther brushes down his attire with a strong hand, and leaves the room, choking._

xKittyRiku: Hehe, a truth, how was that kiss, Arthur?

Arthur: (Still mumbling to himself. Riku puts the microphone under his chin. Spoken in a rushed tone.) Oh no no, I've kissed my father and he was a good kisser better than Gwen and I've gone and ruined our manly-son relationship because of a stupid dare and Gwen's not going to kiss me any more so tomorrow night is completely ruined because she won't-

xKittyRiku: (Hastily pulling microphone away.) Okay, so thanks for that dare, Abi, you have successfully corrupted the mind of Arthur Pendragon, king-in-the-making. Kudos! I'll ask him about the fangirls later…

Gwen: Kud what?

Morgana: Os who?

xKittyRiku: You know, that seemed so familiar but I can't seem to place it…

Morgana: What's the next dare?

xKittyRiku: Dare? Hmmm… Well, firstly, all Uther's dares are on hold until next chapter, so he can have time to calm down.

Arthur: Oh, Riku?

xKittyRiku: Hey! You're back to normal! (:3)

Arthur: Yes, I am, but I think there's a truth for you… And I'm going to be the one to give it to you.

xKittyRiku: Oo-er.

Arthur: (Nonplussed.) Do you think this is the first ToD in the Merlin Archive? If so, why do you think this?

xKittyRiku: Another Abigal Satoshi?

Arthur: Yeah.

xKittyRiku: Well, I think it was the first, because I checked up before I posted, I wanted to be original. And I haven't found any more since… And most of the reviewers say it's original… Hey, guys, how did you find it? I'm not so sure you type into the search box, "Merlin ToD."

Arthur: Thanks, for that, Riku.

xKittyRiku: (Blushing.) No problem. I think we'll keep this chapter relatively short, but just so you know, next chapter we have a special guest…

Gwen: Who would it be? (Beaming.)

xKittyRiku: Sirrrrrr Lancelot!

Gwen: Oh…

xKittyRiku: And we have some special dares concerning him! (Looks pointedly to the audience.) So that's all for now, But I'll write some more later!

Merlin: What do you mean, write?

xKittyRiku: Uh, nothing!


	7. Evasion

xKittyRiku: Well. This is disappointing. (Tuts at the audience.)

Merlin: What? _What _is disappointing?

xKittyRiku: Both the lack of reviews and Lancelot.

Arthur: (Wiping mouth, sarcastic eyes.) And why do you think that is?

xKittyRiku: It's your fault. Oh, and the script writer says she is very sorry for the gross-ness, and she is banning those dares from now on. She is sorry she didn't upload earlier. She is sorry-

Uther: (Also wiping mouth.) We _get _the gist.

xKittyRiku: By the way… I love my reviewers…

Morgana: (Facepalm.)

xKittyRiku: (Glaring.) Anyway, today he we are, in the delightful courtyard of courtyardiness. Uther (coughs) generously let it to us and the camera crew.

Uther: Now now, Riku… That's not a way in which you should be speaking to your King-

xKittyRiku: Uther. Your dare is to speak like an American teenager. Y'know, like from the nineties? _Crazy, Wacko, Like. _That one's from Kitty O.

Uther: That's pre-

Arthur: (Sniggers.)

Uther: That's like, craaazy man!

xKittyRiku: Good King.

Uther: You're a wacko.

xKittyRiku: I don't think-

Arthur: Let him have his way.

Merlin: Since when were you all high and mighty? Oh wait… you have always been high and mighty… (Sniggers. Arthur jumps on top of Merlin and they become a cartoon-style cloud of dust as they play fight. Passersby stop for a second to look on at the scene, and then continue walking.)

Gwen: The dares some of you have written for a proper kiss with Arthur and Merlin with tongue, etc., seem a little… like the previous chapter. So if or when people review, please write yes or no to whether you want this kiss to occur in chapter 10.

xKittyRiku: Thankyou Gwennie.

Gwen: (Rolls eyes.)

xKittyRiku: Right. Uther.

Uther: Again? Crazy man. Aiight.

xKittyRiku: Ichigo'sDragon asks; If you had to chose between Arthur and your wife Igraine, who would you chose?

Uther: You can't ask me that.

xKittyRiku: (Coughs.)

Uther: That's a crazy question, well wacko innit. Man you's buggin the otha night dawg.

xKittyRiku: Uhm…

Uther: If I had to choose, man, I'd choose Igraine. Soz Arthur ma boi.

Arthur: (Get's up and walks away to the corner and sits down. If anyone's seen Ouran High School Host Club, he does a Tamaki.)

Uther: Er… (looks awkward.) Becoz man, if I choose Igraine, she gives birf to you, innit?

Arthur: …

Gwen: (Goes to put hand on Uther's shoulder, the recipient of the action jumps back away 20 feet.) I was just going to say, Uther, you should go to make it up to him. Go have a chat.

Uther: Nahh man, he'll come around innit. I iz King an' all.

Gwen: How can you just assume that? You think that just because you're King means that people like you? Honestly? No. They don't. Half this citadel hates you because you depise magic. Go over to Arthur, and apologize. You know you'd rather have him deep down. How dare you suggest you'd rather have your wife!

Uther: But-

Gwen: No. No. It's not right. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to your son.

Uther: Chill out, man…

Gwen: No! I will not-

Merlin: Gwen, come over here with me a minute?

xKittyRiku: So as Merlin takes an OoC Gwen away, Uther is left with the torment of confessing his true feelings… what will happen next? If I get more than two Lancelot dares, he'll guest star next chapter! Quick quick quick!


End file.
